So it looks like it might be Portland - or maybe not? Perhaps my gut feeling that something is up w/ S is true. Week after week with no contact - then contract is signed we're going to Alabama - well, maybe it's w/ mega consulting P in Michigan - and then, well - would you consider going to Portland???
Let's see - can survive maybe another 3 months with this housepmt and no $$$ - so I guess Portland it is. Then - the nightmares start - 3 am and Sami wakes up screaming - which she never has done - what happens when I'm not there for her.
A quick run around the rooms in the house and Sierra winds up in the ER with stitches in her mouth. Who else could have been there, holding her, refusing to let the doc papoose her. No matter how close she is to her Daddy - it was me that she wanted. How can I be away from these two for 5 days a week for the next 6 months?
But then again, the phone call that was expected within minutes still has not come. What is up with that???
How is it that I am so tired of waiting for him to come through, yet I am not being more proactive myself. G keeps on telling me to take anything in our new city - oh no, I protest - this way I can get us back on even keel w/in 6 months. But honestly, do I really want to go away? Do I really want to do ANYTHING??
The frustration of dealing w/ this has me so blocked - I can't write, can't think, can't be a good mom. Something here has to give.
So universe, this is what I need:
Consulting - in the SouthEast - preferably Jax
6-8/day
Friday is travel day - w/ full pay
challenging
expandable - need at least 10 w/in 1yr
pref. working with DON - yes, I said it - G-D how I wish I hadn't screwed that one up!
House - sell it now!
Please let us get out of this house before the market goes any lower!!!
Ok God - I've learned my lesson, I will now be humble again. I've been brought to my knees and I ask what else must I experience before I can once again hoist myself up and succeed.
That's all I can do for now - please forgive these ramblings - I need the free association writing just to jump start something here...
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Change is on the way
Obstacles are moving out of the way. Amazing how once you open yourself to what the universe has to offer everything starts happening.
After almost 3 months of sitting here, feeling oh so sorry for myself and asking why the good things were not coming my way....the phone finally rang.
I am so grateful that I am once again surrounded by positive people. And for having someone call it as it is....I realize that I need to own up to who I really am, and take advantage of the opportunities that are right in front of me.
I am in such awe, that words are difficult to come by.
Please let me continue to be an instrument of positive change and influence. Grace me with those in my life that carry me to my higher purpose. Let me continue to thrive on this amazing positive energy that has once again come in to my life.
After almost 3 months of sitting here, feeling oh so sorry for myself and asking why the good things were not coming my way....the phone finally rang.
I am so grateful that I am once again surrounded by positive people. And for having someone call it as it is....I realize that I need to own up to who I really am, and take advantage of the opportunities that are right in front of me.
I am in such awe, that words are difficult to come by.
Please let me continue to be an instrument of positive change and influence. Grace me with those in my life that carry me to my higher purpose. Let me continue to thrive on this amazing positive energy that has once again come in to my life.
Transitions
I reconnected with someone from my past tonight. He'd been haunting me for the last month. Like that nasty letter, bearing bad news, that you just don't want to open. Honestly, I dreaded it - but at the same time, I asked for it.
A month ago he sent me an email to see if I was still alive. Couldn't answer it. It stared at me each time I opened my email. A constant reminder that change was coming, whether I was ready for it or not.
Contact with him always means change. Our conversations are often the catalyst for movement. Knowing this, I didn't want to face the inevitable.
On a whim I forwarded him a silly email that I received from a friend. That was it! I opened the door.
Two hours later I sit here, energized and exhausted from the interaction. And grateful. I can't call it the beginning - more like the middle, the dip in life where you've come down a terrific high and now need a nudge to get back up to the next plateau.
After 26 years (and really only 19 days) a ghost from my past is propelling me forward to my future. Oh yes - I am grateful - and humbled.
A month ago he sent me an email to see if I was still alive. Couldn't answer it. It stared at me each time I opened my email. A constant reminder that change was coming, whether I was ready for it or not.
Contact with him always means change. Our conversations are often the catalyst for movement. Knowing this, I didn't want to face the inevitable.
On a whim I forwarded him a silly email that I received from a friend. That was it! I opened the door.
Two hours later I sit here, energized and exhausted from the interaction. And grateful. I can't call it the beginning - more like the middle, the dip in life where you've come down a terrific high and now need a nudge to get back up to the next plateau.
After 26 years (and really only 19 days) a ghost from my past is propelling me forward to my future. Oh yes - I am grateful - and humbled.
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